I’ve decided to switch things up a bit and attempt to be more transparent and not only share lighthearted posts. Okay, so I may not be the best friend there is but I’m trying to change my ways. You really shouldn’t be going through your 20s lonely AF; even if you actually like spending time by yourself (a post for another day). I’d like to say my friendship issues started since I went away for university, but that’s a lie. I’ve always lost friends as I progressed from one stage of life to another. As I would have mentioned in my outgrowing friends post, I don’t have the same (best) friend/s presently as I did in preschool/elementary.
So how am I supposed to talk about “being a friend” when I already said I wasn’t a good one plus can’t keep them? Well, you see….things have changed. Back then I don’t think I put much thought into exactly what having friends meant. As long as I had somebody around I was cool; that’s probably where I went wrong. People always talk about knowing your worth and not settling, so why would you settle with being a part of a clique if you didn’t actually like the people nor had similar interests. You gotta choose your friends wisely.
A friend to me, is:
Trustworthy; I need to have someone I can tell my deepest secrets to and not receive any judgements or know that I won’t hear those same secrets on the street.
An honest person; yes, we’re good but I need you to also call me out on my bullshit *but be nice, I’m fragile* Something I did and you don’t like? Tell me.
Someone I can be myself around and one who understands me (this also includes my love for staying in as opposed to going out, but still invite me and let me decide)
Supportive; there are going to be times when I want to give up or don’t believe in myself like I should and I’m going to need that extra push.
A good listener – I’m not asking you to be my therapist, but just be a listening ear every once in a while
Someone who pushes me out of my comfort zone and contributes to my growth
Someone who’s there for me
One who doesn’t hold grudges over disagreements
Low-maintenance. I’m not sure if that sounds harsh or if it is contradicting, but it’s reality. You can’t be too clingy or needy, because I like my space. I also have times where I go MIA for some period of time and I need to know you’re okay with that.
Damn I can go on forever, but let’s not. I’m still learning a few of these, however everything here is also vice versa. I need to know you feel the same way as well or what’s really the point of this?
On maintaining friendships…
This is probably where I suck at 75% of the time. You’d think that once you have a friend then that’s it, they’re yours for a lifetime. You can do whatever you want and they’ll always be there…. WRONG. By going away for university this is the part of my life that took a hit. I lost friends I’ve had for 7 years of my life. Not to make excuses, but hoping they’d understand; it was a transition, things were different, I was meeting new people, doing new things and experiencing my first take on university life. Truth is, I got caught up!
However, I also suck at keeping in contact with people (even family members). It was always difficult for me to put in the effort. Even now, simply to message someone first and catch up with them seems like a lot. I have a love/hate relationship with texting and I also hate phone calls (there’s always an awkward pause). Point of the matter is, there are a few friendships which simply went away because we either couldn’t keep in contact with each other/never made an effort or God knows what. I’m also not who I was five years ago.
So if you want to keep being friends with the ones you have, don’t let distance get in the way:
- Send them a message every now and again, even if it’s just to say hi or you miss them. Years can pass by, but if you’re still thinking about them I think it’s worth a try. Sadly, I waited too long.
- Check in on them and make sure they’re good, be sure you’re depositing into their emotional bank account.
- Apologize when wrong and learn to forgive
- Be respectful of the changes your friend has made, no-one stays the same forever
- Plan a meet up for when you’re both free, nothing beats real life contact. Try a video chat app if you’re far away. (plan these in advance)
What do you think it means to be a friend?
What are you currently doing to maintain your friendships?
P.S: If any of my friends are reading this, please know I love and appreciate you dearly. Thank you for staying by my side and keeping me sane.
Featured Photo compliments Pixabay.