Now that you figured out how to maintain a friendship, what do you do when they start showing “toxic” behavior? Toxic behavior can be anything and it’s usually hard to tell at first. More so, you’d probably notice it but refuse to accept it because, hey it’s your friend and y’all have a history together. However, these behaviors can potentially lead to an end in the friendship (something you don’t want).
So what behaviors can destroy your friendships?
Not Speaking Up
In a previous post I mentioned that a friend should be able to have a conversation with you about how they really feel. What I want to mention here is that I’m guilty of not doing this as well, but as I also said it’s a learning process. No-one wants to feel like the bad person when something about their friend is bothering them but what’s better, keeping it bottled in or talking about it?
You only see someone’s true intentions/feelings about you when they’re really upset. You know how they say when you’re intoxicated that’s when the truth comes out? I think the same can be said about when someone is upset. They show their true colors. Why is it if you consider someone your “best friend” and you feel a particular way about something they’re doing that you don’t confront them? You wait until some totally unrelated act to pop up to bring up past receipts of past hurt. How long did you have this bottled up?
How do you know what someone wants if they never ask? I can’t read minds, can you? If you’re not feeling right about something discuss it.
It’s time to assess your “friendship” when people try to throw their insecurities on you and make you feel like the bad person.
If there are insecurities you know you have, you shouldn’t try to throw them on your friend. Either try a different approach of talking about it or trying to deal with it another way. This also includes being “needy”, needs are different for everyone. However if you find that everything is all about your friend ALL of the time, there may be a problem.
There’s also the topic of change. We’re all growing up and becoming adults, change is inevitable. What may arise is people growing at different rates and you’re left feeling like you’re stuck in one place and your friend is excelling at another. There’s nothing wrong with that but it’s up to you to have responsibility of your own feelings.
Other behaviors include:
- Taking things personally – not everything is about you, things happen
- Jealousy or becoming envious
You shouldn’t have to be stressing over your friends. That’s not healthy!
So what are the next steps after dealing with toxic behavior?
Talk it out – If a conversation is had and there seems to be no way around it, I think it is safe enough to go your separate ways. Remember, people come into your life for a reason/season to teach you a lesson. Maybe that was their purpose in yours.
Create boundaries – We may not realize how important they are but they may just save you. A fellow blogger, Takeia had a nice post about boundaries, check it out here.
Let it go – Don’t let one mishap discourage you from starting new friendships with others. There are so many more people in the world.
Love yourself – Once you love yourself, and know what you’re worth you won’t let anyone else treat you less than.
What other behaviors do you think can destroy a friendship?