Living, Loving, Learning

Emotional Bank Account

Hey Guys!

Emotional bank account. What’s that?

I’ve never heard of this term before until a couple of weeks ago while I was attending a professional development seminar. It really stood out to me; therefore if you’re like me, a newbie to this term don’t worry I’ll explain it all in a few.

Just like a regular bank account, we have deposits and withdrawals in regards to our emotions. Deposits make us feel good – yay money in the bank; and withdrawals make us feel awful – damn I’m getting broke. On the flip side with our emotions, individuals can also withdraw from us and deposit into us based on their words and actions.

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The important thing is the way in which we balance these accounts. Think of it as your work/life balance (or the ideal situation), but instead with your emotions. You can’t keep having someone take from you and you also can’t be the only one giving to that person and vice versa. Sometimes we may say or do stuff and not realize the effect it has on others, that’s why in each of our interactions we must not only think of ourselves.
[Related post: The Power of your Words.]

Here are a few ways in which a person (or yourself) may withdraw and deposit into an emotional bank account:

Deposits 

Giving a compliment
Listening when others are speaking
Respecting each other
Apologizing
Gift giving/acts of service

Withdrawals

Criticizing
Lack of quality time
Broken promises
Infidelity
Thoughtlessness

The lists can go on forever, but there’s a major difference between making emotional deposits versus withdrawals. Think back to a regular bank account, deposits are basically unlimited you can keep putting in money with no problem. However, withdrawals are not the same, when you keep taking out money there’s going to come a time when you’ve depleted your savings or gone into overdraft. It is the same way with emotions, what do you think is going to happen when you withdraw too much from your friend? Especially if they feel they deposit a lot into you; friendships will come to end. It’s always healthy to ensure you’re making more deposits into one another as opposed to withdrawals. Find your balance.

Can you think of any other deposits/withdrawals that you or other individuals make consciously/unconsciously? Let me know in the comments.

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24 responses to “Emotional Bank Account”

  2. I really love this concept! It has be thinking a lot about my personal emotional bank account and I think its such a great analogy. Somewhat I felt like I needed to read this! Great post hun!

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  5. […] Found a wonderful blog post today!  Ben and I am hitting a year of marriage in little over a week, and this was a perfect reminder of making positive “deposits”.   When life gets busy it easy to forget that you need to keep making positive deposits into your relationship.  Love this!  Check out Ali’s blog post.  in via Emotional Bank Account […]

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  7. Super helpful to see emotional interactions through the lens of “transactions.” Great word picture. It seems like one that will stick with you in the future, as you have this concept to put words to that vague feeling of emptiness, or that bubbly full feeling. Keep learning! This is such good stuff!
    BTW, I found your blog through a comment you left on Jessica’s blog on her “Blog Party” post. It’s good to find you! I am interested in similar topics of learning, and sharing, the emotional/mental/spiritual tools to deal with life, through the lens of a mom. Drop by stephlenox.com and say “Hey!”

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  11. I’ve heard of an emotional bank account before, but the way you described is new to me. I didn’t think about dysfunctional behaviour as withdrawals, but they definitely are…and they’re big ones too. I guess I kind of thought about it the way we think about providing care to other people. Like taking care of someone is rewarding but it can also be draining so making those “bank” deposits are important! Thanks for the fresh perspective, always love learning something new.

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  12. This is such a good post, Ali!! I’d never thought about of the concept of an ’emotional bank account’ before, but it’s a really good analogy. 🙂 ❤ One thing about deposits (giving to others) is that if you give too much, it's possible that you won't have enough left for yourself, because then your account is empty! That wouldn't refer to giving compliments – I'm thinking more like sacrificing so much of yourself for others that you don't have anything more to give. That's a lot to think about ❤
    Whenever I read a really good post from anyone in the blogging community, I always consider reblogging it to spread the word! Would you be fine with me reblogging this amazing post of yours this upcoming Saturday? I'd give full credit to you, because I think more people should read this!

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  13. I love this. I love the way you explained it. I’ve never thought of it in these terms. I think I’ve struggled wit this because I do allow people to take and take from me on a regular basis which is why I always feel like I’m on E. Great post

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  14. I like the idea of giving a compliment actually deposits something in your emotional bank. Usually people think that if you give something away then you’re losing out. But it’s not always true. Even giving a gift has the same effect. It makes you feel twice as good for doing it! Just watching the smile on their face is priceless!

    Really enjoyed this post!
    Nat x

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